Post by "Action" Jack Jackson on Sept 23, 2019 19:14:38 GMT -5
The scene opens in what looks to be a den, with artifacts, bookcases, paintings, and jeweler covering the walls everywhere. A subtitle at the bottom reads "The Fortress Of Action". We then pan over to one side of the room where we see Action Jackson wearing a red robe while sitting in a red leather chair and reading an unknown book. He then notices the camera is there and sets the book on the table next to him.
"'Perfection' is a 10 letter word that perfectly describes the lifestyle that I live in, and being the quality human that I am, I have traveled all around the world doing things that most men could only dream of. I have hiked the Rocky Mountains, I have jogged through a war zone in the Middle East and even climbed up Mt. Everest. Now those who had followed me since my very first success when I swam across the pacific ocean probably don't think those adventures are as exciting as some of the other tales I have told, but rest assured my devoted group of followers, for every adventure, has its own share of unexpected events."
Jackson then gets out of his chair and starts to walk to the other side of the room, but stops and looks up at what looks to be a Laser Beam hanging on the wall.
"Ah, Roswell. Good times, good times. Where was I again?"
Jackson rubs his face for a bit before remembering what he has forgotten.
"Ah yes, unexpected events!"
He then continues walking down to the other side of the room and stops at a glass case that is sitting on top of a podium.
"Now, as I was saying, every adventure has its share of unexpected events. In fact, during an expedition that I embarked on 10 years ago in Brazil, I came upon what looked to be a human trafficking organization. Now any normal man would have either ran away and forgotten about what he had seen, but am no normal man. I saw it as my duty that being the Alpha Male, I should use my greater athleticism and ability to save those in need. Even though I all I had was my pocket knife and a lighter, I decided to commence my covert mission because Action Jackson is just that kind of person. A type of person who would save those in need, a type of person to set the standard for what should be the perfect future of America, a type of person that every child looks up to, a type of person that shall lead this world into the promised land, a type of person that could go into the Olympics with two broken arms and still win a Gold Medal, a type of- Wait, where was I at again?"
Jackson rubs his beard again, trying to remember something other than how great he is.
"Ah yes, Brazil, August 2001. Great times."
Jackson then stares at the glass case for a while, thinking about all the great times he's had.
"Oh!"
Jackson then looks at the camera again.
"As I was saying... All I had was a pocket knife and a lighter, and being the great man I am, that is all I needed to save the men and women that were being enslaved. At first, it was easy. Taking out the first couple of guards were a piece of cake, but then it started to get a little bit tougher as time went on, not too tough though, I am the Most Amazing Man In The World for a reason. So as I took out the men one by one, the head of this organization started to realize that his men were missing and thus sent out the "heavy artillery". For a normal man, he would have been dead. Once again, however, I am not a normal man. I am Action Jack Jackson, all American hero, but I don't like boosting my ego. So anyway, let's get back to how great of a man that I was that day. I had never gone against men with guns before. I had gone against men with swords, men with knives, and even monster trucks, but never guns. Obviously, I wasn't scared or anything, so I still went at them head-on. One by one, I extinguished the enemy. Not killing them, but just "taking them out of the equation" by knocking them out cold in some pretty spectacular ways. One of my favorites was when I was zip-lining from a tree, and I dropped down on of the men with a flying elbow to the cranium. Speaking of which, I then proceeded to hit some chump with an AK-47 with an Enzuigiri. Now the third guy... Well, by then, he knew he was going to lose. Seeing me utterly dismantle his peers was probably very nerve-racking for him, so he didn't even attempt to fight back. He just threw his gun to me and fell down. Now, this is where things get really interesting. After taking out every single guard in the perimeter, I went and let all of the slaves out of the building in which they were being held. The people were so happy that I saved them that they offered to give me all the gold that they had in their village. Of course, I couldn't accept it, as I had found enough gold from the expedition already, and carrying, even more, would just be way too heavy. So after giving out autographs to all of the slaves, I asked one of them where the boss of this trafficking operation was. They pointed to a window on the top floor, Room 278. Now you know how I said this is where things get interesting? Well, this is it. Come closer..."
Jack Jackson then points to the case on the glass podium, the camera then zooms in and shows that there is a cigarette inside of the glass case.
"That... Is a cigarette. One of the vilest and disgusting things on the face of the earth, you're probably wondering what it has to do with my story, right? Well, hold your horses, because I have to get to the ending first, which is probably one of the greatest endings to one of my most illustrious stories. In fact, Roger Ebert said it was one of the greatest endings of all time when he saw the movie that was based on this story. Sadly, that movie was only released in Mexico, so most of my fans did not get to see it. But the former slaves gave it two thumbs up! Wait, What was I talking about again? Ah, yes. The Great Slave Rescue... Anyways, I proceeded up to the top floor of the rotten, old building and finally found Room 278. I could already smell the disgusting smoke and could even hear the man laughing from the other side of the door. Oh tío Jesse, que te vaya paracaidismo antes de su boda!
"So I quickly kicked down the door in the most badass way possible, and that's when I saw him. 'Julio Maskél' One of the most notorious slave traders in human trafficking history. Though my entrance was very spectacular, he didn't quite think so. He quickly pulled a Glock out on my, however, due to my superior DNA, I was able to hop over his desk and kick the gun out of his hand. We then had what I would call the greatest fight of all time. There were kicks, there were elbows, I even suplexed him through a table, but this man was a former boxer and would not give up what so ever. I had no idea how to beat him until a little light bulb went off in my head, and I looked over at his desk. There I saw it: A single unfinished cigarette sitting in his ashtray, I must have interrupted him during one of his smoking sessions. While I was thinking, Julio attempted to hit me with his famous Right Hook, but I used my greater athleticism to dodge it and grab the cigarette. I then threw the cigarette so quickly that it landed right between his lips. He was so confused by what was going on that he didn't even see me reach into my pocket and grab my lighter. I lit the cigarette and Julio was so addicted to the nicotine that he couldn't stop himself from inhaling. He was so out of breath from the fight by that time, the smoke destroyed his lungs completely. He clutched his chest and held on to his desk, but couldn't stop himself from collapsing to the floor. He died right in front of me. So all in all, this was one of the greatest days of my life. Not because of the fight, not because I saved hundreds of slaves. No. Because it taught me something, I'll never forget: Smoking is bad. How will this help me, my adoring fans might ask? Well it's simple, many of the opponents I will face will most likely be smokers, and thus I will know what to do in order to beat them. Not because I'm better, not because they're awful, but because they are destroying their selves-"
A siren then goes off throughout the den, and Jackson quickly picks up the phone that's on a table next to him.
"What? A tiger got loose? In Miami? Radioactive? Alright, I'll be there in a bit, Mayor."
Jackson then hangs up the phone.
"Well, I'm sorry that my story got cut short, but America is needed all around the world. Maybe someday I'll be able to finish the lesson that I learned, but not today. Today... I must go."
Jackson then pulls out a book from one of the bookcases, which then reveals a secret passage. He then tears off his robe to reveal an oiled up tight red white and blue spandex. Jackson then quickly dashes down the secret hallway
"'Perfection' is a 10 letter word that perfectly describes the lifestyle that I live in, and being the quality human that I am, I have traveled all around the world doing things that most men could only dream of. I have hiked the Rocky Mountains, I have jogged through a war zone in the Middle East and even climbed up Mt. Everest. Now those who had followed me since my very first success when I swam across the pacific ocean probably don't think those adventures are as exciting as some of the other tales I have told, but rest assured my devoted group of followers, for every adventure, has its own share of unexpected events."
Jackson then gets out of his chair and starts to walk to the other side of the room, but stops and looks up at what looks to be a Laser Beam hanging on the wall.
"Ah, Roswell. Good times, good times. Where was I again?"
Jackson rubs his face for a bit before remembering what he has forgotten.
"Ah yes, unexpected events!"
He then continues walking down to the other side of the room and stops at a glass case that is sitting on top of a podium.
"Now, as I was saying, every adventure has its share of unexpected events. In fact, during an expedition that I embarked on 10 years ago in Brazil, I came upon what looked to be a human trafficking organization. Now any normal man would have either ran away and forgotten about what he had seen, but am no normal man. I saw it as my duty that being the Alpha Male, I should use my greater athleticism and ability to save those in need. Even though I all I had was my pocket knife and a lighter, I decided to commence my covert mission because Action Jackson is just that kind of person. A type of person who would save those in need, a type of person to set the standard for what should be the perfect future of America, a type of person that every child looks up to, a type of person that shall lead this world into the promised land, a type of person that could go into the Olympics with two broken arms and still win a Gold Medal, a type of- Wait, where was I at again?"
Jackson rubs his beard again, trying to remember something other than how great he is.
"Ah yes, Brazil, August 2001. Great times."
Jackson then stares at the glass case for a while, thinking about all the great times he's had.
"Oh!"
Jackson then looks at the camera again.
"As I was saying... All I had was a pocket knife and a lighter, and being the great man I am, that is all I needed to save the men and women that were being enslaved. At first, it was easy. Taking out the first couple of guards were a piece of cake, but then it started to get a little bit tougher as time went on, not too tough though, I am the Most Amazing Man In The World for a reason. So as I took out the men one by one, the head of this organization started to realize that his men were missing and thus sent out the "heavy artillery". For a normal man, he would have been dead. Once again, however, I am not a normal man. I am Action Jack Jackson, all American hero, but I don't like boosting my ego. So anyway, let's get back to how great of a man that I was that day. I had never gone against men with guns before. I had gone against men with swords, men with knives, and even monster trucks, but never guns. Obviously, I wasn't scared or anything, so I still went at them head-on. One by one, I extinguished the enemy. Not killing them, but just "taking them out of the equation" by knocking them out cold in some pretty spectacular ways. One of my favorites was when I was zip-lining from a tree, and I dropped down on of the men with a flying elbow to the cranium. Speaking of which, I then proceeded to hit some chump with an AK-47 with an Enzuigiri. Now the third guy... Well, by then, he knew he was going to lose. Seeing me utterly dismantle his peers was probably very nerve-racking for him, so he didn't even attempt to fight back. He just threw his gun to me and fell down. Now, this is where things get really interesting. After taking out every single guard in the perimeter, I went and let all of the slaves out of the building in which they were being held. The people were so happy that I saved them that they offered to give me all the gold that they had in their village. Of course, I couldn't accept it, as I had found enough gold from the expedition already, and carrying, even more, would just be way too heavy. So after giving out autographs to all of the slaves, I asked one of them where the boss of this trafficking operation was. They pointed to a window on the top floor, Room 278. Now you know how I said this is where things get interesting? Well, this is it. Come closer..."
Jack Jackson then points to the case on the glass podium, the camera then zooms in and shows that there is a cigarette inside of the glass case.
"That... Is a cigarette. One of the vilest and disgusting things on the face of the earth, you're probably wondering what it has to do with my story, right? Well, hold your horses, because I have to get to the ending first, which is probably one of the greatest endings to one of my most illustrious stories. In fact, Roger Ebert said it was one of the greatest endings of all time when he saw the movie that was based on this story. Sadly, that movie was only released in Mexico, so most of my fans did not get to see it. But the former slaves gave it two thumbs up! Wait, What was I talking about again? Ah, yes. The Great Slave Rescue... Anyways, I proceeded up to the top floor of the rotten, old building and finally found Room 278. I could already smell the disgusting smoke and could even hear the man laughing from the other side of the door. Oh tío Jesse, que te vaya paracaidismo antes de su boda!
"So I quickly kicked down the door in the most badass way possible, and that's when I saw him. 'Julio Maskél' One of the most notorious slave traders in human trafficking history. Though my entrance was very spectacular, he didn't quite think so. He quickly pulled a Glock out on my, however, due to my superior DNA, I was able to hop over his desk and kick the gun out of his hand. We then had what I would call the greatest fight of all time. There were kicks, there were elbows, I even suplexed him through a table, but this man was a former boxer and would not give up what so ever. I had no idea how to beat him until a little light bulb went off in my head, and I looked over at his desk. There I saw it: A single unfinished cigarette sitting in his ashtray, I must have interrupted him during one of his smoking sessions. While I was thinking, Julio attempted to hit me with his famous Right Hook, but I used my greater athleticism to dodge it and grab the cigarette. I then threw the cigarette so quickly that it landed right between his lips. He was so confused by what was going on that he didn't even see me reach into my pocket and grab my lighter. I lit the cigarette and Julio was so addicted to the nicotine that he couldn't stop himself from inhaling. He was so out of breath from the fight by that time, the smoke destroyed his lungs completely. He clutched his chest and held on to his desk, but couldn't stop himself from collapsing to the floor. He died right in front of me. So all in all, this was one of the greatest days of my life. Not because of the fight, not because I saved hundreds of slaves. No. Because it taught me something, I'll never forget: Smoking is bad. How will this help me, my adoring fans might ask? Well it's simple, many of the opponents I will face will most likely be smokers, and thus I will know what to do in order to beat them. Not because I'm better, not because they're awful, but because they are destroying their selves-"
A siren then goes off throughout the den, and Jackson quickly picks up the phone that's on a table next to him.
"What? A tiger got loose? In Miami? Radioactive? Alright, I'll be there in a bit, Mayor."
Jackson then hangs up the phone.
"Well, I'm sorry that my story got cut short, but America is needed all around the world. Maybe someday I'll be able to finish the lesson that I learned, but not today. Today... I must go."
Jackson then pulls out a book from one of the bookcases, which then reveals a secret passage. He then tears off his robe to reveal an oiled up tight red white and blue spandex. Jackson then quickly dashes down the secret hallway