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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2019 13:12:45 GMT -5
I've got a little bit of Micro work to do today, but these WILL get done.
If not tonight, tomorrow for sure.
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Post by Benjamin John Beaufort on Sept 9, 2019 14:17:44 GMT -5
Let me know what you think, Trapson. Whenever you got the time, thanks bud.
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Post by "Psychonic" Terra Walker on Sept 9, 2019 23:36:32 GMT -5
Feedback for Terra's Last Stand RP would be delightful!
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Post by 5BW Owner on Sept 17, 2019 20:46:49 GMT -5
Since this my return... grade it
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Post by Adelaide Ainsworth on Sept 18, 2019 5:41:34 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2019 9:28:38 GMT -5
I am working backwards on these, because of me being so fucked up sick the last several days that I didn't take notes on anything I graded and I want to provide better feedback. I read, scored and took notes on your RP last night out of curiosity, as i always want to take an extra hard look at motherfuckers I ain't know. After putting your debut piece through the machine, here's what I got. 4.0/3.0/3.5/3.5 14.0 This is the best 14 someone could possibly write. It almost begs to be a higher score in some ways. We'll start with the stuff like keeping it grounded in the world of wrestling, not rambling off into the inchoerent void, while you still applied your gimmick to it all. You said the stuff you needed to say, told us the stuff we needed to be told, and introduced us to someone we haven't met. So why only a 14? Lack of a defining character trait. You used this promo to introduce yourself...as a chick that curses, smokes, drinks and fucks. I don't have anything more than that to work with. If you don't find ways to continue to contrast her character by putting her in situations that contrast her personality, you may run into problems in the future. You don't use dark blue text on a black background if you want the text to stand out, you would put it on a white background. I hope that metaphor made sense to everyone else, it barely made sense to me and I should quit trying to do this while high. This was an introduction promo, meant for you to make a debut with us. You accomplished this mission, and let us know you're here and you mean business. I want to see more of Addy A, because I've got this feeling you've already got a plan to address the above concerns. You have a grasp on what you're doing, and don't let my criticism stop you from going the direction you want to go.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2019 9:36:58 GMT -5
Since this my return... grade it You got it, your honor 4.0/3.0/3.5/4.0 14.5 Well damn. I wasn't aware you could cut the fuckin' promo like that. I always remember you for storylines, so to see you cut a straight shoot was surreal. Like Addy above, I know you've got a plan and I know you got the skills to make that plan happen. But unlike Addy, I have a lot of prior experience working with you and I have that past influencing my expectations. I can't do that, and I have to treat this promo like anyone else's. You established a quick past for KPN, letting us get a basic idea of who you are. You also didn't give us a whole lot of definition to who she is, but this is just her first promo. You're definitely on the right path, all you're missing is that substance of plotline. Whether you find that in the ring or out, I think it will be the thing that determines where you go in Trinity. Choose wisely.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2019 9:48:52 GMT -5
Feedback for Terra's Last Stand RP would be delightful! 3.5/3.5/4.0/4.0 15.0 I love your CD, and looking back you probably deserve an extra half-point in it... 3.5/3.5/4.5/4.0 15.5 Fuck it. My name's in red here. I'm allowed to do it. I think the reason I'm not giving you more Creativity is just because it's good, but there's not that one part of it that sticks out from the rest of the story. Nothing that sets it apart from all of the other stories in Trinity. But I don't know what the future holds for Terra. You do. As with some movies and TV shows that start off slow, and pick up with the action/drama/emotion once you've invested yourself into watching it...I suspect I have yet to see your final form. I don't want to influence anybody's writing, in terms of trying to get a better score from me. Please don't think you need to change shit for me or anybody else here. The feedback I give is only what I can see from my own viewpoints and preferences. That's why we have three sets of eyes, sometimes four, on every RP for every match on every show. You are great at getting us to see the differences in your character and their supporting cast. I'm just ready to see the twists and turns, the emotional moments of tragedy and strife, or at least start to be able to answer the questions I have as the reader. You're on the right track, chick.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2019 9:53:08 GMT -5
Let me know what you think, Trapson. Whenever you got the time, thanks bud. I didn't even have to re-read it, my dude, I remember this one clear as day. When I talk about give me something to remember, something to set your writing apart, THIS is what I mean. It doesn't have to be ground breaking or some hyperactive plot point. It's just got to be something as simple as "fuck it, I'm going to ride out Hurricane Dorian and get drunk with my buddies." You are EXCELLENT at this type of shit, friend. And if that wasn't enough, you gave me a top-notch shoot promo to boot. 4.0/4.0/4.0/5.0 17.0 PLEASE DO NOT CHANGE A DAMN THING YOU ARE DOING RIGHT NOW. AND PLEASE DON'T STOP DOING IT ANYTIME SOON.
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Post by 5BW Owner on Sept 19, 2019 16:17:50 GMT -5
Since this my return... grade it You got it, your honor 4.0/3.0/3.5/4.0 14.5 Well damn. I wasn't aware you could cut the fuckin' promo like that. I always remember you for storylines, so to see you cut a straight shoot was surreal. Like Addy above, I know you've got a plan and I know you got the skills to make that plan happen. But unlike Addy, I have a lot of prior experience working with you and I have that past influencing my expectations. I can't do that, and I have to treat this promo like anyone else's. You established a quick past for KPN, letting us get a basic idea of who you are. You also didn't give us a whole lot of definition to who she is, but this is just her first promo. You're definitely on the right path, all you're missing is that substance of plotline. Whether you find that in the ring or out, I think it will be the thing that determines where you go in Trinity. Choose wisely. Thanks for this. Considering this was my first RP in four years, I felt dusty. Eventually I’ll get that back.
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Post by Kitty Dark on Sept 19, 2019 18:16:30 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2019 10:59:34 GMT -5
I got you after Sin tomorrow night, chick
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Post by Adelaide Ainsworth on Sept 26, 2019 21:23:58 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2019 10:38:06 GMT -5
From top to bottom: I absolutely loved this piece, but then again I was present for all of the shit you talked about in the opening. The true test was people who weren't a part of the OCW shitshow, seeing if they could follow the story. And they could. This took place before I started saving my scores, so I can't tell you what I scored it at the time. Trinity Wrestling's records are basically the equivalent of a bunch of folded up receipts stuffed in a shoebox. I don't save my shit well, and only the last few weeks have I really started doing so... ...which means I DO have a score for Broken Luck. 3.5/4.0/4.5/4.5 16.5 You have an incredible talent for two things. One is building the environment in which a scene takes place. It's not just a setting, or a mindset, it's almost like you build a whole alternate universe that fully immerses the reader, every single scene you write. You don't just go "here, picture that one alley in the Sopranos that Pauly and Christopher killed the Jewish chef". You don't even just describe it so well that we can close our eyes and imagine it. When you write a scene, we're in that fucking scene living it along with the characters. Very few people can do this, not just in e-fedding but in writing general. I sure to shit can't. The second talent is turning words into ammunition for a fully automatic assault rifle. The presence of intelligence, even in charcters not meant to be genuises, shows in the words spoken. You know how to tear someone in two and them not even know it. When I used to cut the shoots I was known for, I basically went "fuck you, fuck your uncle, fuck your girlfriend's favorite dress, fuck your cat's favorite toy." Trash talking is one-dimensional at the root of it. But not when you trash talk. It's a thing of beauty, it's an elegant method of shooting someone in the head. Like a golden gun. So where's the problem? If I have to come up with one, it would be that in all the time you spend to create that environment, you don't leave enough room for things to happen within said. You've built the virtual reality, but at times it feels like the scene ends just as you've hit the start button. I'm impatient, I like things to move at a quicker pace. This is clearly not me saying 'if it doesn't suit my tastes, get it the fuck out my face."But that would be my one complaint: gimme a little bit more dialogue, a little bit more action and movement in the scenes. I'm not saying we need the Avengers battle scene every week, I defintely do love suspense and slow burn in my storytelling...but I, and most wrestling fans, ain't got the attention span these days that it takes to stay invested in a long-running story. How many people do you know that unsuscribe to a YouTube channel that hasn't posted content in months? You know where to find me if you wanna break it down further, fam. <3
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Post by Deleted on Sept 27, 2019 10:39:20 GMT -5
FUCK TRAPSON HUH 0.0/0.0/0.0/0.0 MINUS FIVE STARS All right, fine. Fucking fucking hell, I dug those first two scenes. I absolutely loved and adored reading it the first time. I laughed my ass off quite a bit. That's some great shit. Great fuckin' shit. We're not gonna talk about the third scene yet. The shoot, in the end, accomplished one thing I always like to see and don't always get to: the final on-camera promo addressed to the fans and your opponent tied together the other stuff throughout the first three scenes. you didn't just slap random shit together and call it a wrap. No, you crafted this thing from the get-go with an overall idea in mind. You wanted us to see Addy as someone who doesn't like to lose, and has a lot of anger stemming from something other than this loss. Your plan is coming together nicely for this character. Which is why I'm disappointed in scene number three. Those types of scenes usually only work due to emotional investment (i.e.; we feel sympathy for the victim and want to see them get revenge, or we're seeing someone get tortured who deserves to be tortured) or comedic effect (i.e. Casino, the CHARLIE M YOU MADE ME POP YOUR EYE OUT OF YOUR FUCKIN' HEAD TO PROTECT THAT PIECE OF SHIT) I hate to say this, but you didn't accomplish enough of either to offset the fact that we just watched someone drive the claws of a hammer into a man's nuts, yank it up their body, and leave them to die. I'm gonna have a hell of a time getting standards and practices off my back on this one. Also, it hurt you in relevance a little bit. But in the end, you're getting exactly where you need to be finding this character's character. Your scenes are hilarious, you know how to make us hate Addy, your dialogue is pretty natural-sounding and believable as real reactions (another rarity in e-fedding) and you got a pretty good graps of wrestling psychology from where I'm sitting. I guess discretion of content is a good idea in the future. Or in other words, try not to kill anyone next week. I'll Discord you the numbers, since this RP cycle is still open. Apparently I've made that fuck up a time or two in the past, I apologize for it deeply, and will make damn sure it doesn't happen again. No, it didn't cause any problems. Just something I saw that I was like "fuck, why did I do that?"
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