Post by THE OVERBAKER on Sept 19, 2021 0:22:35 GMT -5
Revolution 1 financial officer Seymour Butts sat in his office going over the wrestlers' pay allotments and direct deposit sendings when the door to his plush office was knocked off its hinges. Seymour froze with fear when he saw a monolith of a man, THE OVERBAKER, walk in with a trail of delicious smelling smoke following him along with his valet Sue Chef.
”Uh..uh.. May I h-help.. You S- sir?” Seymour said with trembling lips and a shaky voice.
THE OVERBAKER slammed his paycheck stub onto the man’s desk and pointed at it.
”I have not received my proper pay since joining Revolution 1. Fix it.”
Seymour, still scared, mustered enough to look over the stub. He sighed and wiped nervous sweat from his brow.
”Mr. Overbaker, sir, uh… um… you didn’t receive your full pay because the owners of Revolution 1 billed you for fire damages done to the Rocket Fieldhouse Arena leading into your debut match. Revolution 1 doesn’t have fire insurance. I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do. I’m so sorry, sir. I don’t make the rules.”
THE OVERBAKER was about to say something but Sue Chef gestured him shut.
”Mr. Butts, what’s your favorite food?”
Seymour’s brows dipped in confusion over the odd question.
"Uhh, well I fancy chicken casserole quite a bit.”
She smiled so sweetly at him that it made him relax a beat.
”Oh my! Maaarvelous dish. Ohhhh yeeeeesss. You have exquisite taste. Tell me, Mr. Butts, would you like to eat another chicken casserole? Or would you rather, oh I dunno, never eat again?”
Her expression went full menace, pinning the poor guy in his chair. Before he could answer, THE OVERBAKER snatched him up by his throat like a ragdoll and began choking him. Seymour’s slacks turned dark at the crotch area, indicating he’d urinated himself. The choking continued until the man’s face turned a different shade. At Sue’s urging, THE OVERBAKER tossed him into his chair and pointed at the computer.
”Fix it. Put my money back into my account.”
Coughing horribly, Seymour did as he was told. Sue and THE OVERBAKER moved behind him and looked over his shoulder the entire time. When he was done, Sue pulled out a folded sheet of paper.
”Fantastic! You’re one step closer to eating your favorite dish again. Ohhhh yeeeeees! Yummy yummy in your tummy! Now, transfer the funds of these people into this other account.”
She handed him the paper. His eyes grew to saucer levels. The names were all of those scheduled to be in the Remembrance Battle Royal. At the bottom was the banking information of a foreign account (possibly Swiss?), presumably owned by Sue under a proxy name. Seymour was in no position to buck up at them. He would live to fight another day, so he did exactly as told.
”Best! Finance! Guy! Ever!”
She pinched Seymour's cheeks and gave him a kiss. Her eyes caught something nestled against a wall near them. She cocked her head like a confused puppy.
”Is that a… safe?”
Seymour’s heart sank. Oh no! Just when it couldn’t possibly get worse for him! Seymour wept and before Sue could ask for it, he fished out his wallet and retrieved the parchment that held the passcode to the safe and gave it to them.
”Can we take him home with us, Sue? He’s so well trained.”
THE OVERBAKER patted Seymour on the head like he was a pet. Sue giggled as she rummaged Seymour’s wallet for other things too.
”Nah. No pets, OVERBAKER. Now, Mr. Butts. Here’s the dealio mi amigo. I have your personal information. I know where you live. I see you have a family pic here too. Very nice looking family. Obviously you wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize their safety, like reporting us to the police or management after we leave here in a moment. Right?”
Seymour vigorously shook his head yes to affirm her statement and tried to speak, but his sobbing was too thick to make his words intelligible. After all, he could chalk this up to an armed robbery by masked men who are most likely former (disgruntled) employees of Revolution 1.
THE OVERBAKER examined the family photo and scoffed.
”Your daughter is too skinny and pale. You need to incorporate more berries, fruits, leafy greens, and vegetables into her meals. This will increase melanin production in her body. I suggest spinach, carrots, cantaloupes, and tomatoes to help boost this quicker.”
He handed Seymour’s wallet back to him while Sue opened the safe and stuffed her pockets, bra, and mixing bowl with as much cash as she could. THE OVERBAKER followed her lead and stuffed as much as he could into his white chef’s coat and stuffed a bunch into his chef’s hat then put it back on his head.
When they finished, Sue pat Seymour on the shoulder and slid a thick stack of cash into his pocket.
”Buy yourself and your family something nice. Revo 1 probably doesn’t pay you shit anyway.”
THE OVERBAKER patted him on the shoulder next, albeit it harder, painfully.
”And if you speak of us being here today and doing this, you AND your family will Eat my cruuuusssttt!”
His voice was deep and dreadful with those last words, and his eyes rolled into his head, face morphed into a demon like scrunch. It spiked a new level of fright into poor ole Seymour Butts. One that saw Seymour poop his pants.
It was the day before the Revolution 1 Remembrance PPV extravaganza and our delectable dastardly duo were inside a VERY high scale Japanese Steakhouse in New York City, New York. They’d dolled themselves up for this special outing. Sue looked like a beauty bouquet for the eyes in her jaw dropping Timeless Rose gown. THE OVERBAKER had donned himself in, well, a chef’s suit complete with medals and badges he’s won in the culinary arts. Atop his head was the legendary prismatic gold chef’s hat, and atop it was yet another gold chef’s hat.
Yes, they’d splurged on their new found money that they “stumbled” upon (thank you Seymour Butts of the Revolution 1 finance department).
People couldn’t help but eye the pair, but neither regarded them. THE OVERBAKER stared straight ahead at nothing while Sue studied the dessert menu while they waited on their food.
”Bakey baby, they don’t have cherry crumb dessert. Totes not cool.”
”If they don’t bring my meal to me in the next thirty seconds I’m eating their souls instead.”
As if they’d heard him, the wait staff came out with their meals and sat it upon the table for the great pre battle royal victory feast. Sue dug into hers without hesitance but THE OVERBAKER inspected his with the utmost scrutiny and summoned the waiter.
”I ordered the six ounce steak. This clearly isn’t six ounces.”
The waiter protested respectfully but took a big gulp of fear when THE OVERBAKER looked at him with sheer fury in his eyes. THE OVERBAKER pulled out a hand held weight scale he carries on him for situations just like this. He then literally weighed the steak as the waiter watched in shock.
(actual picture of the most Karen thing ever)
”It says 3.68 ounces, not 6.0 ounces. Bring me the chef.”
The waiter advised him that he had to run it by the manager first. THE OVERBAKER insisted on the chef. The manager came instead. THE OVERBAKER’S anger swelled.
”I need sustenance. I need nutrients to fuel me onto victory at the Remembrance PPV and your chef sought to pull a fast one on me. He’s no different than these scum in the battle royal like Lilianna Rose, Sylk Michaels, Taysia, Austin St. Peters, Dick Dweck, Angelo…”
THE OVERBAKER raised his voice with each name and his gestures became more animated.
”Oh you forgot Azurine Vebbins! She’s always talking like she has a mouth full of food even when she’s not eating. Such a disrespectful woman.”
”Yes, her too. Those I spoke of are lazy bums who don’t don’t shit or they do it half assed and expect the richest rewards, just like that rat-bastard chef back there. I've cooked meals for sitting Presidents of the United States you son of a bitch!!! Now you're gonna go get him or I’m gonna eat your face off!”
Despite THE OVERBAKER’S size, anger, and overall intimidation factor the manager surprisingly held his ground. Probably because he deals with disgruntled customers like this every day of all shapes and sizes. He respectfully declined THE OVERBAKER’S request so THE OVERBAKER bolted from his chair with speed betraying his immense size. He grabbed the manager and bit him several times on the face.
The patrons scattered like roaches when the lights come on. After giving the manager a face chewing THE OVERBAKER tossed him aside and barreled into the kitchen. One by one he big booted the workers, sending food and trays flying all over the place. Finally he reached the chef, who was a badass looking Japanese man who was dual wielding kitchen knives. They fought, and it was a tough fight, but in the end THE OVERBAKER got his justice by kicking him so hard in the testicles that the chef wound up with two adams apples and no nuts in his sack.
”Let this be a warning to all in the battle royal. If you seek to bring me down I’ll smoke you crisper than a brisket.”
Sue Chef, who’d been stuffing free food into a big to-go box with her free hand, stopped recording the altercation on her phone and stowed it away. She also got a shot in on the downed chef before THE OVERBAKER chokeslammed him through a stove.
The pair left but were confronted by Police outside. THE OVERBAKER smoothed things over by slipping them free meal tickets to the best upscale eateries in town and lifetime free donuts vouchers.
On the day of the Remembrance PPV THE OVERBAKER decided to treat his fellow competitors in the battle royal. Let’s see what THE OVERBAKER has done.
”I, in my infinite generosity, have prepared a dish for each person in the battle royal whom I deem worthy of such. This dish will carry with it my touch and flavor, and will tell you all about yourself in just a bite. Let us begin.”
The camera panned out to show the inside of Madison Square Garden’s illustrious cafeteria. A long table dominated the main frame, whereupon covered dishes were being delivered by scared kitchen workers as Sue Chef showcased a few like she was Vanna White.
”Oooohhh yeeees! Let us begin!”
She removed a cloth off one dish. It was big bowls of a certain Korean delicacy.
”This is Kimchi. It’s salted and fermented vegetables like naga cabbage and radish. It’s disgusting and I have no idea why people eat this. Obviously I have prepared this for Sebastian Elades, Brandon Rivera, and Larissa Johnson because they only appeal to a specific demographic for reasons nobody understands because they suck.”
Some workers hurried in and took the dishes to be delivered to the dressing rooms of the wrestlers he mentioned. Yes, not only had he prepared these dishes for his foes, he’s having them delivered to their dressing rooms.
Sue then lifted the next cloth off and it’s a melted creamsicle popsicle.
”This is for you Daniel Dream. You’re a delicious treat for the shithead fans that love murders in the ring. But just like this delicious treat, in a short time I’m gonna melt you with the sheer magnitude of my awesomeness then yeet your frail little frame into the fourth row.”
He sent the dish off with the next kitchen worker. Sue then pranced over and swiped a cloth off of a delicious looking array of mushrooms.
”This is amanita phalloides. It's for you Aphrodite. You’re the suicide queen who refuses to pull the trigger. This dish is called death cap. It’s a poisonous mushroom that gives you a hell of a high before putting you to peaceful eternal sleep. You can thank me later.”
As before, workers came and took the dish off to deliver it. After they left, Sue yanked off the next cloth and revealed a piece of scrumptious trifle dessert.
”This is a trifle dessert made from angel food cake. This is for you ‘Man of Thousand Truths’ Kai Morgan. Angel food cake isn’t cake. It’s fake, just like you are. You’re the man of a thousand truths yet you always lie to yourself. You claimed you were gonna do this and that but then didn’t. You went on a journey to nowhere and came back only to get hurled into the rafters if I get my hands on you in this royal. This cake thinks it’s a cake. It’s just like you.”
A worker tried to remove it to be delivered but THE OVERBAKER snatched it away and ate the cake instead. It was a symbolic gesture to show how he’s gonna devour Kai in the battle royal. The worker ran away worried while Sue revealed the next dish, which is a loaf of sliced bread.
”This is a loaf of generic white bread. Obviously these slices will be delivered to Sara Cross, Cerise, Sora, Solace Tatum, Jalen Prince, Toni Beasley, Jessie Lee, and Scratch Strange. Bread is a necessity for meals but not nearly as filling and tasteful as the main cuisine. The competitors I mentioned are needed to fill out the numbers to bolster the amount of people in the rumble. You all have pulses, so you got in. Other than that you’re much to do about nothing. You will be eaten by me as a side piece as I devour the main cuisines in the royal.”
Another worker came in, took the dish, and bolted away like a scalded dog. Sue shook her hips sexily as she ripped off the cloth from the next food. It was a giant smoked hog.
”This is for Matt ‘The Raven’ Knox, Maggie Lockhog, Jason Ryan and Amber Payne. You all are like this hog. You go to every promotion imaginable and gobble up as many titles as you can, leaving nothing for the rest of us. You’re all pigs. HOGS! This battle royal is your cheap ticket to a title, nevermind the fact that some of you hold twelve titles in different organizations. Hell, Jason, you’re already the International Champion here in Revolution 1 so I don’t know why you’re even in this thing outside of sheer selfishness. Since you don’t belong in this, I’m gonna aim to eliminate you first even if it costs me. You all keep people like me down with your clout and popularity. That shit ends today. I’ve got a can of whoop ass I’m gonna open and mix with a nice side of soup bones and knuckle sammiches, and I'm gonna force feed it to you tonight.”
He gestured and some workers cut the hog in several sections and headed off to the dressing rooms of those he spoke of. He then personally revealed the final dish, which was just an empty plate.
”This is for you, Alex Kincaid. The reason your plate is empty is because I cared so little about you or our match recently that I took more time managing the idiot catering crew backstage. That’s how much of a threat I considered you and continue to consider you. So, NO DISH FOR YOU!"
He broke the plate to pieces on the floor.
”I’m also calling my shot. When I win the battle royal I’m going after the tag team titles with a partner of my choosing on the current Revolution roster. If you play your cards right, roster, I’ll pick you and we’ll enjoy a long reign as champions. Plus you’ll get free food cooked by me personally. If you don’t play your cards right though, you’ll be one of many who will… EAT! MY! CRUUUUSSSTTTTTT!”
End of RP.
”Uh..uh.. May I h-help.. You S- sir?” Seymour said with trembling lips and a shaky voice.
THE OVERBAKER slammed his paycheck stub onto the man’s desk and pointed at it.
”I have not received my proper pay since joining Revolution 1. Fix it.”
Seymour, still scared, mustered enough to look over the stub. He sighed and wiped nervous sweat from his brow.
”Mr. Overbaker, sir, uh… um… you didn’t receive your full pay because the owners of Revolution 1 billed you for fire damages done to the Rocket Fieldhouse Arena leading into your debut match. Revolution 1 doesn’t have fire insurance. I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do. I’m so sorry, sir. I don’t make the rules.”
THE OVERBAKER was about to say something but Sue Chef gestured him shut.
”Mr. Butts, what’s your favorite food?”
Seymour’s brows dipped in confusion over the odd question.
"Uhh, well I fancy chicken casserole quite a bit.”
She smiled so sweetly at him that it made him relax a beat.
”Oh my! Maaarvelous dish. Ohhhh yeeeeesss. You have exquisite taste. Tell me, Mr. Butts, would you like to eat another chicken casserole? Or would you rather, oh I dunno, never eat again?”
Her expression went full menace, pinning the poor guy in his chair. Before he could answer, THE OVERBAKER snatched him up by his throat like a ragdoll and began choking him. Seymour’s slacks turned dark at the crotch area, indicating he’d urinated himself. The choking continued until the man’s face turned a different shade. At Sue’s urging, THE OVERBAKER tossed him into his chair and pointed at the computer.
”Fix it. Put my money back into my account.”
Coughing horribly, Seymour did as he was told. Sue and THE OVERBAKER moved behind him and looked over his shoulder the entire time. When he was done, Sue pulled out a folded sheet of paper.
”Fantastic! You’re one step closer to eating your favorite dish again. Ohhhh yeeeeees! Yummy yummy in your tummy! Now, transfer the funds of these people into this other account.”
She handed him the paper. His eyes grew to saucer levels. The names were all of those scheduled to be in the Remembrance Battle Royal. At the bottom was the banking information of a foreign account (possibly Swiss?), presumably owned by Sue under a proxy name. Seymour was in no position to buck up at them. He would live to fight another day, so he did exactly as told.
”Best! Finance! Guy! Ever!”
She pinched Seymour's cheeks and gave him a kiss. Her eyes caught something nestled against a wall near them. She cocked her head like a confused puppy.
”Is that a… safe?”
Seymour’s heart sank. Oh no! Just when it couldn’t possibly get worse for him! Seymour wept and before Sue could ask for it, he fished out his wallet and retrieved the parchment that held the passcode to the safe and gave it to them.
”Can we take him home with us, Sue? He’s so well trained.”
THE OVERBAKER patted Seymour on the head like he was a pet. Sue giggled as she rummaged Seymour’s wallet for other things too.
”Nah. No pets, OVERBAKER. Now, Mr. Butts. Here’s the dealio mi amigo. I have your personal information. I know where you live. I see you have a family pic here too. Very nice looking family. Obviously you wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize their safety, like reporting us to the police or management after we leave here in a moment. Right?”
Seymour vigorously shook his head yes to affirm her statement and tried to speak, but his sobbing was too thick to make his words intelligible. After all, he could chalk this up to an armed robbery by masked men who are most likely former (disgruntled) employees of Revolution 1.
THE OVERBAKER examined the family photo and scoffed.
”Your daughter is too skinny and pale. You need to incorporate more berries, fruits, leafy greens, and vegetables into her meals. This will increase melanin production in her body. I suggest spinach, carrots, cantaloupes, and tomatoes to help boost this quicker.”
He handed Seymour’s wallet back to him while Sue opened the safe and stuffed her pockets, bra, and mixing bowl with as much cash as she could. THE OVERBAKER followed her lead and stuffed as much as he could into his white chef’s coat and stuffed a bunch into his chef’s hat then put it back on his head.
When they finished, Sue pat Seymour on the shoulder and slid a thick stack of cash into his pocket.
”Buy yourself and your family something nice. Revo 1 probably doesn’t pay you shit anyway.”
THE OVERBAKER patted him on the shoulder next, albeit it harder, painfully.
”And if you speak of us being here today and doing this, you AND your family will Eat my cruuuusssttt!”
His voice was deep and dreadful with those last words, and his eyes rolled into his head, face morphed into a demon like scrunch. It spiked a new level of fright into poor ole Seymour Butts. One that saw Seymour poop his pants.
_________________________________________
It was the day before the Revolution 1 Remembrance PPV extravaganza and our delectable dastardly duo were inside a VERY high scale Japanese Steakhouse in New York City, New York. They’d dolled themselves up for this special outing. Sue looked like a beauty bouquet for the eyes in her jaw dropping Timeless Rose gown. THE OVERBAKER had donned himself in, well, a chef’s suit complete with medals and badges he’s won in the culinary arts. Atop his head was the legendary prismatic gold chef’s hat, and atop it was yet another gold chef’s hat.
Yes, they’d splurged on their new found money that they “stumbled” upon (thank you Seymour Butts of the Revolution 1 finance department).
People couldn’t help but eye the pair, but neither regarded them. THE OVERBAKER stared straight ahead at nothing while Sue studied the dessert menu while they waited on their food.
”Bakey baby, they don’t have cherry crumb dessert. Totes not cool.”
”If they don’t bring my meal to me in the next thirty seconds I’m eating their souls instead.”
As if they’d heard him, the wait staff came out with their meals and sat it upon the table for the great pre battle royal victory feast. Sue dug into hers without hesitance but THE OVERBAKER inspected his with the utmost scrutiny and summoned the waiter.
”I ordered the six ounce steak. This clearly isn’t six ounces.”
The waiter protested respectfully but took a big gulp of fear when THE OVERBAKER looked at him with sheer fury in his eyes. THE OVERBAKER pulled out a hand held weight scale he carries on him for situations just like this. He then literally weighed the steak as the waiter watched in shock.
(actual picture of the most Karen thing ever)
”It says 3.68 ounces, not 6.0 ounces. Bring me the chef.”
The waiter advised him that he had to run it by the manager first. THE OVERBAKER insisted on the chef. The manager came instead. THE OVERBAKER’S anger swelled.
”I need sustenance. I need nutrients to fuel me onto victory at the Remembrance PPV and your chef sought to pull a fast one on me. He’s no different than these scum in the battle royal like Lilianna Rose, Sylk Michaels, Taysia, Austin St. Peters, Dick Dweck, Angelo…”
THE OVERBAKER raised his voice with each name and his gestures became more animated.
”Oh you forgot Azurine Vebbins! She’s always talking like she has a mouth full of food even when she’s not eating. Such a disrespectful woman.”
”Yes, her too. Those I spoke of are lazy bums who don’t don’t shit or they do it half assed and expect the richest rewards, just like that rat-bastard chef back there. I've cooked meals for sitting Presidents of the United States you son of a bitch!!! Now you're gonna go get him or I’m gonna eat your face off!”
Despite THE OVERBAKER’S size, anger, and overall intimidation factor the manager surprisingly held his ground. Probably because he deals with disgruntled customers like this every day of all shapes and sizes. He respectfully declined THE OVERBAKER’S request so THE OVERBAKER bolted from his chair with speed betraying his immense size. He grabbed the manager and bit him several times on the face.
The patrons scattered like roaches when the lights come on. After giving the manager a face chewing THE OVERBAKER tossed him aside and barreled into the kitchen. One by one he big booted the workers, sending food and trays flying all over the place. Finally he reached the chef, who was a badass looking Japanese man who was dual wielding kitchen knives. They fought, and it was a tough fight, but in the end THE OVERBAKER got his justice by kicking him so hard in the testicles that the chef wound up with two adams apples and no nuts in his sack.
”Let this be a warning to all in the battle royal. If you seek to bring me down I’ll smoke you crisper than a brisket.”
Sue Chef, who’d been stuffing free food into a big to-go box with her free hand, stopped recording the altercation on her phone and stowed it away. She also got a shot in on the downed chef before THE OVERBAKER chokeslammed him through a stove.
The pair left but were confronted by Police outside. THE OVERBAKER smoothed things over by slipping them free meal tickets to the best upscale eateries in town and lifetime free donuts vouchers.
_____________________________________
On the day of the Remembrance PPV THE OVERBAKER decided to treat his fellow competitors in the battle royal. Let’s see what THE OVERBAKER has done.
”I, in my infinite generosity, have prepared a dish for each person in the battle royal whom I deem worthy of such. This dish will carry with it my touch and flavor, and will tell you all about yourself in just a bite. Let us begin.”
The camera panned out to show the inside of Madison Square Garden’s illustrious cafeteria. A long table dominated the main frame, whereupon covered dishes were being delivered by scared kitchen workers as Sue Chef showcased a few like she was Vanna White.
”Oooohhh yeeees! Let us begin!”
She removed a cloth off one dish. It was big bowls of a certain Korean delicacy.
”This is Kimchi. It’s salted and fermented vegetables like naga cabbage and radish. It’s disgusting and I have no idea why people eat this. Obviously I have prepared this for Sebastian Elades, Brandon Rivera, and Larissa Johnson because they only appeal to a specific demographic for reasons nobody understands because they suck.”
Some workers hurried in and took the dishes to be delivered to the dressing rooms of the wrestlers he mentioned. Yes, not only had he prepared these dishes for his foes, he’s having them delivered to their dressing rooms.
Sue then lifted the next cloth off and it’s a melted creamsicle popsicle.
”This is for you Daniel Dream. You’re a delicious treat for the shithead fans that love murders in the ring. But just like this delicious treat, in a short time I’m gonna melt you with the sheer magnitude of my awesomeness then yeet your frail little frame into the fourth row.”
He sent the dish off with the next kitchen worker. Sue then pranced over and swiped a cloth off of a delicious looking array of mushrooms.
”This is amanita phalloides. It's for you Aphrodite. You’re the suicide queen who refuses to pull the trigger. This dish is called death cap. It’s a poisonous mushroom that gives you a hell of a high before putting you to peaceful eternal sleep. You can thank me later.”
As before, workers came and took the dish off to deliver it. After they left, Sue yanked off the next cloth and revealed a piece of scrumptious trifle dessert.
”This is a trifle dessert made from angel food cake. This is for you ‘Man of Thousand Truths’ Kai Morgan. Angel food cake isn’t cake. It’s fake, just like you are. You’re the man of a thousand truths yet you always lie to yourself. You claimed you were gonna do this and that but then didn’t. You went on a journey to nowhere and came back only to get hurled into the rafters if I get my hands on you in this royal. This cake thinks it’s a cake. It’s just like you.”
A worker tried to remove it to be delivered but THE OVERBAKER snatched it away and ate the cake instead. It was a symbolic gesture to show how he’s gonna devour Kai in the battle royal. The worker ran away worried while Sue revealed the next dish, which is a loaf of sliced bread.
”This is a loaf of generic white bread. Obviously these slices will be delivered to Sara Cross, Cerise, Sora, Solace Tatum, Jalen Prince, Toni Beasley, Jessie Lee, and Scratch Strange. Bread is a necessity for meals but not nearly as filling and tasteful as the main cuisine. The competitors I mentioned are needed to fill out the numbers to bolster the amount of people in the rumble. You all have pulses, so you got in. Other than that you’re much to do about nothing. You will be eaten by me as a side piece as I devour the main cuisines in the royal.”
Another worker came in, took the dish, and bolted away like a scalded dog. Sue shook her hips sexily as she ripped off the cloth from the next food. It was a giant smoked hog.
”This is for Matt ‘The Raven’ Knox, Maggie Lockhog, Jason Ryan and Amber Payne. You all are like this hog. You go to every promotion imaginable and gobble up as many titles as you can, leaving nothing for the rest of us. You’re all pigs. HOGS! This battle royal is your cheap ticket to a title, nevermind the fact that some of you hold twelve titles in different organizations. Hell, Jason, you’re already the International Champion here in Revolution 1 so I don’t know why you’re even in this thing outside of sheer selfishness. Since you don’t belong in this, I’m gonna aim to eliminate you first even if it costs me. You all keep people like me down with your clout and popularity. That shit ends today. I’ve got a can of whoop ass I’m gonna open and mix with a nice side of soup bones and knuckle sammiches, and I'm gonna force feed it to you tonight.”
He gestured and some workers cut the hog in several sections and headed off to the dressing rooms of those he spoke of. He then personally revealed the final dish, which was just an empty plate.
”This is for you, Alex Kincaid. The reason your plate is empty is because I cared so little about you or our match recently that I took more time managing the idiot catering crew backstage. That’s how much of a threat I considered you and continue to consider you. So, NO DISH FOR YOU!"
He broke the plate to pieces on the floor.
”I’m also calling my shot. When I win the battle royal I’m going after the tag team titles with a partner of my choosing on the current Revolution roster. If you play your cards right, roster, I’ll pick you and we’ll enjoy a long reign as champions. Plus you’ll get free food cooked by me personally. If you don’t play your cards right though, you’ll be one of many who will… EAT! MY! CRUUUUSSSTTTTTT!”
End of RP.